Okay, this was so funny I actually laughed out loud...no easy feat when you're by yourself. Thanks D for sending this. I find it ironic that you haven't had a period in like 9 months...funny to me! Anyhoo, for your reading pleasure...
_________________________________________________________________
Not sure if this is real... but it's undoubtedly hilarious!!!This is (supposedly) an actual letter sent to American company ProctorandGamble regarding their feminine products.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your "Always" maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core orDri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsadancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.
But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxipads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from"the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbillywithknife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about thebloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense moodswings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a GeorgeForeman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to thereason for my letter.
Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a HappyPeriod."
Are you fu*ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tinymiddle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentionedabove sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?
FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never beanything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't marchdown to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap amoronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong", or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss yourFlex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullsh*t. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX
_______________________________
Classic...
